1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
18. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Friday, October 28, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Check out John C Dvorak's blog...He Gets No Spam!
www.dvorak.org/blog
He's a TWIT....www.thisweekintech.com
You'll have to type or cut and paste the URL's. I can't seem to get the links to work. I thought I followed the directions here pretty carefully. Any suggestions? Write to me.
He's a TWIT....www.thisweekintech.com
You'll have to type or cut and paste the URL's. I can't seem to get the links to work. I thought I followed the directions here pretty carefully. Any suggestions? Write to me.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis Renewed!
Great news from the world of TV and SciFi. Although SG-1 certainly has suffered with the loss of Richard Dean Anderson, it's still about the best thing on the tube. And Atlantis has really been growing on me...and not like mold.
Check out www.gateworld.net for more.
Check out www.gateworld.net for more.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Thanks to Dave Richards at ONWORLDWIDE.COM
Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their "sweet
time"
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they
aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't
you people just leave me alone?'
8. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your
nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti- depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible
theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size
funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
And; last, but not least!
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then
yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
time"
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they
aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't
you people just leave me alone?'
8. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, & and pick your
nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti- depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible
theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size
funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!
And; last, but not least!
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then
yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
How Dumb can anyone be?
BRAIN CRAMPS
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (we are????)
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be President!!!!!!!!!
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." does he know where he almost grew up???.....
--Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (I say all we can get, I'll take his clean air)
--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." (Oh, well that's different, I think)??????
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." (really???????)
--Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (Gee but he's smart)
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (we are????)
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be President!!!!!!!!!
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." does he know where he almost grew up???.....
--Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (I say all we can get, I'll take his clean air)
--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." (Oh, well that's different, I think)??????
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." (really???????)
--Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (Gee but he's smart)
````````````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Had to mention more RI scum
Serious situation in Taunton, MA...a dam may burst. So, all of a sudden, the scum in RI decide to check out our dams, and guess what, 6 of ours are in danger of failing! So how come they haven't been checking these dams all along? Because they're scum.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Learn to Curse in Chinese from FIREFLY and SERENITY
Here's a list of Chinese slang and phrases from Firefly.
It's been around for a while but it's a great resource for new Firefly/Serenity fans.
read more | digg story
It's been around for a while but it's a great resource for new Firefly/Serenity fans.
read more | digg story
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